i want to be 20.

i want to be 3 and meet my childhood bestfriend/sweetheart just right beside my house.

i want to be 4 and find out about my little sister going to heaven even before i got to meet her.

i want to be 5 and miss my dad while he's off to singapore.

i want to be 6 and take care of my first little baby brother! :)

i want to be 7 and have my very first crush on my male ballet teacher.

i want to be 8 and celebrate my birthday in jollibee, and hate my classmate for crushing on my childhood sweetheart/bestfriend.

i want to be 9 and say goodbye to my friends while i pack all my stuff to move to Iloilo.

i want to be 10 and be the new girl in school who only spoke in English and never in Tagalog or Ilonggo.

i want to be 11 and win 2nd place in the vocal solo pop competition for the song "kapag ako ay nagmahal" by jolina magdangal during our intramurals.

i want to be 12 and say "okay" to this guy who asked me "emelou, will you be my girl?"

i want to be 13 and write, stage and choreograph my very first play entitled "ON ANGELS' WINGS"

i want to be 14 and have my hair curled, then straightened after a week, then rebonded after a few months.

i want to be 15 and be in charge of everyone in the house when my mom and dad were both in the US for about 6 months or more.

i want to be 16 and find out i passed Ateneo! I screamed forever and ever.

i want to be 17 and cry buckets of tears for my very first major heartbreak.

i want to be 18 and realize that things are not what they seem to be.

i want to be 19 and realize. and then realize that my realizations were all twisted. and then have better realizations.

but i want to be 20 and be stronger than ever. :)

TWENTY

taken by my friend krizette at my debut. :)

i have never dreaded the coming of my birthday. i usually feel jittery and giddy days before my birthday. it's been that way forever. but now it's different. i feel more of anxiety than being giddy. i've never hated a number so much. in 2 days i'll be turning 20. i'll no longer be a teen.

being 20 is like, officially not becoming a candidate of juvenile delinquency anymore. pag kasi 18 or 19, people can still say bata pa yan. but when you're 20, it's like you're part of the adult force already. it's like saying 49.99 is cheaper than 50 pesos.

yeah sure i was excited when i turned 18. because when i was 17, eastwood wouldn't let me watch borat or robinsons wouldn't let me watch brokeback mountain when i was 16. and in rustans, i'd have to pretend i was old and mature enough to buy liquor so that they wouldn't ask for my id.

wala lang. i just feel weird that i'm going to be 20. i can't believe my parents' first child is going to turn 20. wala lang, i always had that thought na my parents were only the type of parents who'd take care of little kids. can't imagine them talking to us siblings about stock exchange or careers and stuff.

i know 20 is just the beginning, but. i don't even want to start anything. it. haha. people older than me may say it's nothing compared to how old they are, (i'm thinking about my lolo here okay) but the thing is, i don't want to be older. is it ever possible that no one turns a year older? that my sister will stay 8 forever? that i'll just be 19, and just be 19? (be a vampire perhaps?)

now, i'm feeling that 20 is JUST AN AGE. my mind and heart will always be 13. HAHA no seriously. when i turn 20, the age will be 20, but the timee will still be that 19 year old strong little girl.

on the other hand, speaking about strong. turning 20 makes me feel strong. i feel like i can laugh about the things that happened when i was 19, put it behind me and move on. :)

SEMBREAK!!!

did not feel like sembreak at all, if it weren't for our bora trip and my friends coming over to iloilo!! i was sick all sembreak. i went to my doctor in iloilo, and she gave me 3 anti-histamines to be taken 3 times a day. and now i'm on an ointment regimen. i have to apply it on the infected parts of my body 3x a day. if this is something psychological, THEN THIS IS SOME STRESS.

right when my last paper for this semester was sent, my friends and i decided to go to Tagaytay! With Gar, Carlo, Lei, and Keshia! We met up with Nino (lei's boyfriend) in Laguna na. I was sick then. My eyes were all fluffy and red, and i used up gazillions of tissues that night. haha We stayed at this inn, BWAHA. had drinks and talked all night! :)

Me, Lei & Keshia! on the way to Tagaytay!

Gar, Carlo, Lei & Keshia watching TV, while i was being sick in bed. haha

My mother arrived the next next day, while i was still sick. so she nursed me (NURSED!) back to health by bringing me out to shopping! :) i told her not to mind how messy my room was. and i find her doing this:
my mother cannot stand not being organized, cannot stand a messy place. so she washed all my dirty dishes and fixed my room. huhuhuhu thank you mother. huhuhu.

ENTA PLEVSEM SEMBREAK 2009!
We went to camp explore this time, in Antipolo. :) it was a really really nice resort! (resort??) check out their site www.campexplore.com.ph super sarap ng food. :) SANA I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SICK DURING PLEVSEM NOH. thank you harald & terri for taking over. :) i had to leave on day 2 of the plevsem because i was sick and my flight to iloilo was early the following day. :)

can you find me?? that's me at the very back part, not having any plans to swim at all. i just sat by the pool.

but they kept on splashing at squirting water at me. sa sobrang inis, i jumped at them. AT THEM sa pool. haha

FAIL.

i'm the one with the pink kumot on the floor. stayed like that until the evening of day2. this time, i got food poisoned. i think. ate something bad before going to plevsem. haha

when i got home in iloilo, i stayed in bed all day for about 2 days because i was sick again. boo.

OCT28-NOV2!
Leinard, Sir Jet, Ate Vir, Kate and I went to BORAAA! :) WOOH WE LOVE BORA. :) Imagine drinking 4 nights straight. bwahaha. Went to Le Soleil de Boracay... where the pitcher was by the straw, and where i danced with WHITEE. :)

SHARK ATTACK. :)

WHITEE in his frisbee jersey and white cap. huhu imy whitee. BWAHAH

as of the moment, i'm hunting him down. They were in bora for BULA's (Beach Ultimate Lovers Association) Asian Championship Beach Ultimate 2009 with reps from all over the world. :) i think the Boracay Dragons won. (so i'm a fan of frisbee now?? HAHA) i searched for the names of the Australian representatives sent for the tournament last oct28-31 and found their names here. i google-imaged each name on that list. but i haven't found him yet. i found a blog by a frisbee player who knew the Australian team, and yes, i asked him. HAHAHAHA still waiting for the reply. JERSEY # 22, i will find you. HAHAHA (so i spent a whole paragraph on whitee. haha)

the next day we went Island HOPING ("island please.... please... islaaand...")!! :) thank you to ate Amy of Sunshine Place for coming with us! :)

and we fed the fish. hahah

The camera ran out of battery na, and i left my charger in the dorm. HAHA so we used my phone to document the next few days of our vacation!! we went to cocomangas that night! :)

menu for the 15 shots in Cocomangas..

we love the java chip shaker!

we took a 5 hour bus ride to Iloilo. watched SAKAL, SAKALI, SAKLOLO, part of SCARFACE, TAKEN and TANGING INA during the entire bus ride. diba. haha. ganon katagal. haha we had dinner at my place, hung out at the La Paz plaza (it was my first time up that monument thingy haha), checked in at Sarabia and then went to BPlace in smallville! :) kung saan napa-English kami ng bonggang bongga. hahaha. then Penny came by to meet my friends! :)

thanks for the desserts step! :)

The following night, we had dinner at Breakthrough! thank you ate vir's dad! :) then went to Flow in smallville. :) we weren't in costumes for their halloween party. felt so op. haha but anyway! Hahaaha. if i were in a costume for this halloween, i'd dress up like this.
i suggested this to the EB for our yearbook photoshoot. a facebook page, with our faces tagged (holding up a back placard) hahahaha.


i love sembreak this year. if there's one thing i learned from this whole vacation, is that..

i'm stronger than i thought i was. :) and i'm okay. i've NEVER BEEN BETTER. :)

bora the explored.

title fail. HAHAHA. BUT TOMORROW IS BORA with friends ate vir, kate, leinard and sir jet!!! too bad paolo can't come because of. hahahahaha. okay. anyway!

so i'm still sick. i look like a carrot. no i'm not orange, my face just has bumps everywhere and red spots growing all over like crazy. i was afraid it was chicken pox for the second time around, but it wasn't thank God. so my doctor gave me again lotsa medicines. i need a fast recovery. or else i won't be able to enjoy bora. i'm not allowed to drink with my medications though, so i guess i'm sticking to just iced tea and mango juice. looooser much. huuhuhuhuuh.

i've been wanting to post about how i spent my freedom after acads, but i'm waiting for certain pictures. hihi. :)

i feel like i want to sleep and sleep until the time i wake up when everything's alright. huhuhuuh. please Lord make me fine. huhuuhuhuhuhuuhuhuhuhu.

so, check out my new blog. it's a disgusting blog actually, you don't have to follow or read it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. kthnxbye!

www.thesickbuff.blogspot.com

you wait for me.

12 days till bora. you are so near yet so far.
there are still things in between us: tagaytay, mommy's arrival, and enta plevsem. you are just soooo near. in 3 days, countdown will be in one digits. WOOH.

and just so you know, ever since i made that decision,
i've never felt better. :)
i'm handling this better than i expected! :)

The Pomegranate Phone

CRAZY PHONE. can it please come with a boyfriend? i'll take ten.

i feel weird.

still. i think i'm crossing over. HAHA. if you've seen Baby Geniuses, you'd know what i'm talking about. and no, this is not hysterical pregnancy (GLEE much!) because i do not want to get pregnant YET (even if facebook says i was supposed to get pregnant last Oct10,2009 haha)

i just feel weird.
para akong nauntog at nandidiri altogether.
my tastebuds taste different, my body is not cooperating. it's not sitting the way sitting should suppose to feel, my head seems to be floating still and walking doesn't feel the same anymore. It's like i've learned how to walk in a new way (like learning a new language). Stretching my arms doesn't seem to be how it used to stretch. My back hurts like hell, i feel like i just came home from carrying the world behind me.

if you're thinking this is a hangover, no, because i didn't drink last night. okay, i did, but i was not drunk. in fact, sleeping kept me sober for the rest of the night.

i feeel weird.


but i'm sure of one thing right now, i don't like IT anymore.
i don't deserve this. :)